Thug Jail Brother (Part 48)

Thug Jail Brother (Part 48)
MEMO TO SELF: NO MORE PITTY PARTYS...

After the service Captain Jonathon Kennedy came over and asked me and The Prophet, if we had a moment. He wanted to show us a picture of the man that they had arrested, Sirreal Johnson.  He asked if we knew him and when I looked at the picture, I had to grab Ahmad’s arm and all I could say is no, no, oh Lawd no. Taye, Lil Z, Malek, Ahmad and The Prophet, they all looked at me, I did not know if I should tell them or not. Hell, The Prophet and mother Winfrey may beat me into a comma. What am I to do? This is my entire fault, this was my doing, Ms. Sheba was almost killed because of me, what in the hell am I going to do.  I can’t tell them what I did, but I don’t want to lie, right now I can not even look them in the face. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, I need your help. Taye and Lil Z know what happened, but I have not told Ahmad or Malek. May be I will make an appointment with the Capt. Kennedy and discuss it privately. While I was working this out in my mind, Taye says Malek is this the fool the tried to rob you? You remember when we called the police and they did nothing, of course, all eyes are on me. So, I ask if I can see the picture again and this time I have to come clean. I look at that damn picture about ten times and every time I look up everyone is waiting on me to say something. I look down and then lookup and all eyes are on me. That damn Taye, he had to open his damn mouth, finally I say that is him, oh my Lawd. Did they do this? Now I am crying for real, and then I say out loud that this was all my fault.

Now how do I explain this to everyone, do I just say, I picked up some whores off line and they tried to kill me?  What would Ahmad think of me? Capt. Kennedy step in and says the he would like to meet with me and go over the events of that night. Thank you Lawd, at least for right now, but I sure as hell hope no one brings it up again. Just then The Prophet comes and gives me a hug and say, Jason man this is not your fault, what those guys did to you was wrong, If I had been there I would have done the same thing Ms. Sheba did. You did not do anything wrong, they did, it was hate that did this to Ms. Sheba, but love will lift her up. I was literally shaking like a cold wind had just blown up my spine. I need to get to therapy in the morning; I will have to work through this because right now I can not look anyone in the face. If Ms. Sheba had died it would have been my fault, I walk away from everyone and spend some time alone. As I am standing there thinking, someone taps me on my shoulder and it is Eric, I mean Dr. Manny. He informs me that they will be waking Ms. Sheba up in about an hour and then He will check on here in the morning. One of his colleagues will be working with her for a few days while he goes to New York on business. I tell him that I will be in New York for a funeral, maybe we can have dinner and I say sure, Dr. Manny wants to know how long I will be in New York. I said that I am not sure, but more than likely I will be spending the night, we exchanged numbers and a hug. Now that was a flat out lie, I was planning on bring my ass right back, but now, I think I will be in New York for a few days. While we are talking Ahmad walks over and says, baby are you alright, I tell him that I will be and he stands there like he is on guard.

We all head back to the waiting room and after about an hour Dr. Manny comes out and tell us that they have removed the ventilator and the Ms. Sheba is breathing on her own. He also informs use that she is still unconscious and that she may be unconscious for a while. Mother Winfrey asks why and he explains that it will take some time for the medicine to wear off. We hang around for about another three hours and Taye, Lil Z and Malek have decided to leave. The Prophet asks Mother Winfrey where she is staying and she said she will need to get a motel room. The Prophet tells Mother Winfrey that he will not have that and tell her that she will be staying at his place in the guestroom. Ahmad said that he will take me home and we all leave for the evening. On the way home Ahmad wants to know how I knew Sirreal, I told him that it is a long story. Ahmad says we have time baby, so I tell him the story and I start crying and tell him that I am responsible for all that Ms. Sheba is going through. Look, I should be in that hospital bed not Ms. Sheba, Ahmad says stop being so hard on yourself; Ms. Sheba would not blame you.

As we arrive home, I just need a few minutes to think and I need to pack my clothes for New York. I really just want to be alone but Ahmad is not having that, I think he senses that I don’t need to be alone. Right now my mind is all over the place, why am I still here Lawd and how am I going into a court room and get on the stand and tell the world that I got fucked for money. I go in the kitchen and get a bottle of 42 Below Vodka and sit on the edge of the bed and start drink straight out of the bottle. Ahmad says, Jay what and the hell are you doing and I tell him that I am in pain and I need some relief. He says this is no way to take care of your pain and he tries to take my bottle. I told Ahmad if he did not want to lose his football hand he would want to keep it to himself. I am about half way through the bottle and I really no feeling much pain right now. I tell Ahmad to come here and I whisper in his ear, can we have sex right now. He looks at me and says, please, not like this my friend, I am trying to love you and you are trying to kill yourself. Yes, you have been though a lot and you have been hurt, but don’t punish me. I did not hurt you Jason, I did not cause your pain, so please don’t turn this shit around on me. I don’t do well with alcohol and I can be a nasty drunk.

Ahmad is making me mad and I told him to go fuck himself, as I got up and was heading to the bathroom and I fell flat on my face. I know Ahmad wanted to laugh, but he got up and tried to help me up and I told him to take his hands off of me. Since you don’t want to fuck me don’t touch me, I hold on to the wall to lead myself into the bathroom. I slam the door and lock it, as I make my way to the toilet and just sit there. I sit and think and I begin to cry, we all know there is nothing worse than a crying drunk. Ahmad is at the door and asks if I am okay and I say fuck no, I have really messed up this time. I tell Ahmad to go home; you don’t want to be involved with me because I am a curse. Nothing good can come out of this, trust me; I can mess up a wet dream. I stand up and look in the medicine cabinet and get my bottle of Oxycodone and I empty the whole bottle in my hand. Ahmad wants to know what I am doing and I tell him that I am just going to take care of my pain. Ahmad says open the fucking door Jason, open the door. I can hear his voice but I can’t move…

To Be Continued…

Malek Ariel, aka MA

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