How Can Loving You Be So Wrong Pt 3

Man you know that I am a Pastor of a mega church and I am on the downlow. I was involved with one of my security guys for the last year and the good thing was Kara never expected anything was going on between us because he traveled with me as part of his job. Most of the time I was on the road preaching Kara stayed home with our sons. He was also married, so I thought what we had would be our secret. A few months ago he tells me that he is in love with me and he wants to leave his wife, he even gave me an ultimatum that either I tell my wife or he would. I told him that he knew I was married going into this, and that I loved my wife and I had no plans on leaving her. He quit his job and I heard he left his wife and decided to leave town.

So I said Craig what does this have to do with you in DC having sex with strangers in a park? Craig paused and replied after that I realized that I can’t have a normal relationship with a man. I have too much to lose and I need someone that has as much to lose as I do. I've struggled all of my life with my sexuality. As young as the age of 10 I knew I was attracted to men. I had girlfriends throughout high school and college and had a few experiences with men. I have to admit that I’ve always preferred men but was too concerned with what society and my family thought to pursue a gay lifestyle. I eventually convinced myself that I could go through life without acting on my homosexual thoughts and be straight. That’s when I met Kara that I truly thought I loved so we got married. Recently I decided that I needed to be with men in order to fulfill my desires and since then I have been trolling around on the internet looking for hookups with other men and doing everything in my power to get a dick in my mouth or up my ass. I go to the gym, but I don't exercise. I just sit in the sauna and hot tub checking out dick and occasionally hooking up. I guess that I've been with over 90 men in the last few years. I know that this is wrong and that someday I will have to pay the price, but I cannot stop. All I want to do is have a man hold me and make love to me but I also need to keep my marriage together. I am always promising that I will stop but continue to take chances.

Look, I know that I am a bisexual male and I got married because I was being pressured to do so. You know, when you get my age and you are not married then people start to wonder; what church wants a single pastor? I knew better but I fell into this anyway. I know I did the wrong thing and I don't even think I can ever love her like she deserves. I love her and I love her even more since she gave me my twin boys. Man I love those kids more then life itself. I want to be honest with my wife about my sexuality and my past, but if I was honest I risk the embarrassment of her telling her friends, family, and people I know. So I have chosen to just keep it to myself and not tell anyone. After all if I was going to be honest I should have done that before I married my wife. It is to late now because I have to much invest in this marriage now.

As he poured out his heart I stared at him fighting the urge to reach over and kiss him, even to touch his leg felt to extreme. We have been friends for what seemed like forever and I can't imagine he had even contemplated being with me again other than a friend. As we sat in the car and continued to talk I realized that tonight was different for me. I could tell that we where both in a lonely mood and it always seemed to make us feel better we when we where together. I looked at him as he smiled every now and then and could notice how at the end of his smile the corners of his mouth curled up and how his eyebrows grew so thick. I leaned in to rest my head on his shoulders and he merely glance over at me asking if I was getting sleepy like I was his little brother. I leaned as close to him as possible trying not to make him feel uncomfortable; I started to rub on his head and shoulder then I slowly laid my hand on his lap as his hand rested on my back. The only thing I could think of was placing my lips on his. I began to rub my hand up and down his leg giving him a slight massage but not too aggressive, hoping he wouldn't stop me. I could tell he was beginning to enjoy it so to cover it up he told me if you keep that up I may request your services to massage my shoulders. I playfully giggled thinking that's not all I wanted to massage.

My mind not being able to focus gave me the courage to start massaging his leg more never letting him know what my true intentions were. I began to unbuckle his pants and he asked " What are you doing?" I'm just trying to give you a massage nothing more and he willingly allowed me to take his pants off. I took my massage further rubbing his inner thigh grazing his manhood and watching him squirm from my touch. I moved in further to get a better position for my next move. He was wearing boxers (not my underwear of choice) which gave great access to the firm man who was now standing in between his thighs. I slid my hand inside his boxers allowing his manhood to exit the entry way of his boxers and as I leaned in and licked the tip and he grabbed my shoulders pushing me away. We looked into each others eyes and his eyes were asking me if I'm sure I want to do this and mine spoke back with a reply of yes. I leaned in again to lick away, I drew him into my mouth deeper doing the normal tricks as he squirmed and moaned uncontrollably. His hands stroked my hair letting me to know he was enjoying every moment as he motioned his hips back and forth he made love to my mouth. I noticed how rapidly his heart raced. As I stroked his chest I could tell he would cum soon if I didn't slow my pace. I stood up licking away the pre-ejaculation from my lips before I made my next move. I leaned in and began to kiss his lips tasting the sweetness from the apple pie we had for dinner.

We drew each other into the kiss fighting for position with our tongues and my hand messaging his manhood feeling him on his warm spot. Craig began to kiss me and my body began to shake as if his kisses could sent more orgasms through me. I felt my body shake harder as I started squeezing his leg tighter. I heard him call out my name and it was then I realized it was all a dream and the man between my legs was no man at all only a pillow. I couldn't believe what I thought was so real was only an intense dream. I could only giggle to myself at what my dream was about and what really happened. Craig looks over at me and says “you where suppose to be company for the ride and as I poured out my heart you went to sleep. I am so glad that you talk in your sleep though”. He started laughing and got out of the car and walked towards his house. I got into the driver’s seat and thought the whole way home; did I really talk in my sleep?


To be continued…

Malek Ariel aka MA