How can loving you be so bad? - Part 7
Nicole
Good Evening Atlanta! this is your girl Nicole The Relationship Doctor and you are listening to Straight Talk with Nicole on WSEX FM. In a few minutes I will open the phone lines and take your calls, but first let me give you the subject tonight. Tonight I want you to call in and confess you your dirt, that’s right, tonight is confession night. So, call in and get it off your chest! We will be back right after Ushers, “Confessions”.
As the music plays, I ask for some chi tea and some raw honey. My private phone rings and it is Juan and he tells me that my biggest fan is listening in and that he loves me. Juan is such a nice guy, any woman would be lucky to have this phine ass man. I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have such a faithful man.
Okay folks, call now 1-888-999-LOVE, we have Robyn on the line.
Robyn
“Hi Nicole,
I am happily married and I am cheating with my pet rabbit from my farm. I can't stop although I don't want too. What to do? My husband would be mortified. My husband is white but the rabbit’s private part is bigger.”
Nicole
“Well Robyn, you say that your husband's johnson is smaller than a rabbits? LMAO I am sorry but I can't stop laughing! Somebody call PETA,
Next we have Madam X. You’re on the line…”
Madam X
“Hello my confession is I have herpes and I have unprotected sex with other dudes. I'm afraid to tell them! I got it from my cheating boyfriend.”
Nicole
“Baby Girl I am sorry to hear that, please if your not woman enough to tell them you have herpes then you don’t need to be having sex AT ALL! If you're still having sex unprotected, stop. Reevaluate your life and seek help. You don't want to voluntarily cause an epidemic. Remember this, Karma is real. Start praying now, because you may have already infected innocent people. Our past has a lot to do with our present actions, forgive your ex and yourself and move on.”
We will be right back after R. Kelly – “Trapped in the closet.”
Wow that was messed up. Every time I hear about people engaging in such risky behavior I get so freaking pissed! It is one thing that she was stupid enough to have unprotected sex when she knew her man was cheating. You should ALWAYS use protection. DUMBASS! But to make matters worse she carries her nasty diseased ass to other men and has unprotected sex with them as well. Then she has the nerve to say she is afraid to tell them. What kind of nut is she? She may not by law have to tell everyone but at the very least she should make it a point to tell them to wear condoms and not participate in oral sex. She is just a nasty low down coward. I pray I don’t run up on any of the men she has slept with.
Trent, my producer falls out laughing and says “sister girl your ass is crazy and I would have told her ass.” Trent is a phine ass brother; he is the type that every woman would be throwing themselves at. But, for the record girls, he pitches for the other team. He wears his tees, jeans and timbs and if you saw him on the street you may grab your purse tight. I call him my “homo-thug,” the thug looking homo brother. Trent asks when am I bringing my new boo to the station and I told him real soon. Trent thinks he can read men and he says he has something called a gaydar, what he means is that he can tell if a man is on the downlow. So, I bring my men around and he reads them for me, he has been right about two out of five so far.
Trent says “quiet on the set, five, four, three, two, and one. “
Nicole
“This is your girl Nicole and we are back and we have Mother Divine on the line. How can I help you Mother Divine?”
Mother Divine
“Child this is the Queen of Tranny from the great NYC, I have been trying to get you for a while. Here is my situation; child, my retired football player boyfriend is talking about us moving in together and I told his ass he got to get that gap fixed in the front of his mouth before we talk about that. LOL, I love this fool but Mother ain't trying to move in with no one. I love my freedom, I am not cheating and I will never do that, I just don't want to live with some one. He can come stay a few days but after that his ass got to go. My problem is that he thinks I don't love him cause I am not trying to move in with his ass. Come on and help Mother get this fool to understand.”
“DING DONG DING!!!”
Nicole
“Well Mother I am glad to see that you are comfortable with who you are. I feel you... if you’re not ready for that then you need to just sit down and have a talk with him... Put your foot down and just tell him you’re not ready to have someone in your space. That’s why my friend has his place and I have mine.,.. keys come with bills and since I am the only one paying them, I’m the only one with the keys. There is no other way to tell him except being straight up until he hears you. Make sure you start with "I love you but... and end with “I love you but..."
“Thanks Mother Divine for calling in’
Mother Divine
“Can I say something to Madam X?”
Nicole
“Sure Mother”
Mother Divine
“Madam X why are you even having sex? I honestly hate calling people stupid or ignorant but child you are both STUPID AND IGNORANT... What possessed you to go around having unprotected sex with random men just because your boyfriend cheated and you were stupid enough to sleep with him without protection? You are a dumb ass... grow up... If I find out who you are I will most definitely report you... That's illegal just like spreading HIV/AIDS knowing that you have it.”
Nicole
“Well Mother; those were your words and not mine and all I got to says is Ding Dong Ding!!! Thanks Mother. We have on the line Tyrone, good evening Tyrone what is your confession?”
Tyrone
“Well Nicole, I am trying to figure out if I am a normal brother. When I was younger I gave my brother oral pleasure twice and I hit two brothers in the back door and I liked it. I have jacked off with my father in-laws picture and that makes me feel like I am cheating on my wife. Finally, I think about having sex with my male coworkers when I have sex with my wife and that makes the sex hot. I almost called out this dudes name the other night when my wife and I where having sex. Am I a normal brother?”
Nicole
I am sitting here in amazement and Trent has a sign he is holding in the air that says tell the fool his ass is gay. Being the professional that I am, I tell Tyrone it is normal to fantasize about other people when you making love, but you are on some next level mess with that incest and jerking to your in-laws picture stuff.
“ I think you need sex therapy because you are displaying the symptoms of an addict. We have time for two more confessions, when we come back after this commercial break.“
Trent comes running into the office and says “Normal? His ass was disqualified as normal when he had oral sex with his brother twice. He needs to leave his wife and find a man cuz datz obviously what he wants.” As I was talking to Trent the door bell rings and I answer it and say “may I help you” and it is my Boo and Craig and they are here to visit me. I tell Trent that he got his wish, Juan and my Pastor Craig Stevens is on their way in. Trent is jumping up and down like a school girl, I tell him to put on another song while I go meet them. I greet Juan with a kiss and pastor with a holy kiss and a hug. I tell them to come on in and that I will be free in a few minutes.
Trent says,“Nicole you are back on in five, four, three, two, and one.”
“This is your girl Nicole, the relationship doctor and tonight we have been taking your darkest and dirties confessions. Next we have on the line Ezekiel, what’s on your mind?”
Ezekiel
“I am a 24 year old man and I have been dating this guy on the DL for about three months. I notice that every weekend he told me that he had to work so I never gave it any thought. Well I went to church the other week for the first time in a long time and bam he was standing there preaching. I almost lost my mind; I would have never ever had sex with the Pastor if I had known, I just don’t play with God like that. I am not sure if I heard a word he was saying because all I kept thinking about is I **beeped** the pastor. Woo boy, I left right after service and I did not speak to him for about two weeks. He says that it is not a big deal that it is his job just like I have one. But, it is kind of hard to get into my mind that it is ok to **beep** the pastor. The problem is that I think I am falling in love with this man or should I say the Pastor and I don't want to lose him. What is a little brother to do?”
Nicole
“Well Ezekiel, you picked the right night to call I have my Pastor Dr. Craig Stevens with me. I hear a click and I think he hung up.” I say, “Ezekiel are you there? Well I think I lost Ezekiel but I hope you are still listening. First, because he is a pastor does not mean that he is not human, you can still love this man...why is it so hard? Like my pastor always says, we should love all people for who they are and where they are. I have a few questions for you Ezekiel; does the pastor have a wife and family while you too love up on one another? If so you are so foul. Is the pastor openly gay or shows compassion to gay people in public the same way he does in private or is he one of those that cling to the Bible and preach how being gay is a sin in public while he snuggles up to you in private? I pray he is not one of those God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steven preaching Pastors. I think I have more questions then answers for you. Please call back when you get a chance.
I have time for one more phone call; I have on the line another anonymous caller. We will call him Dr D, Dr D what’s on your mind?”
DR D
“I got married because I was being pressured to do so you know, when you get thirty-five and you are not married then people start to wonder and you know how the church people are. I knew better but I fell into this trap anyways. Now, I know what I did was the wrong thing to do. I don't even think I ever loved her nor will I, we have a set of twin boys and I love them with all my heart. Here is my problem, I don't want to be with their mother or should I say my wife. I have been dating this guy for about a year and he wants to take it to the next level and so do I. What is a guy to do? Oh, did I mention that I am a Pastor of a church.”
Nicole,
I tell Dr. D that my Pastor, Dr. Craig Stevens is here with me and I would like him to address the issue and once again I hear a click and I think we got disconnected again. I say to myself that I am glad Pastor Stevens is here because I would have though it was him calling. “Well caller I hope you are still listening, first of all, you are only fooling yourself Dr. D., be a man and more importantly show your boys how to be a man. Stand up and fly right, if you're a gay you really can't help that. Stop wasting that woman's time and just tell her it's not going to work because you could only love her as a sister and not as a woman.
At thirty-five, pressures should not have entered the picture, especially marrying someone you don't sound like you love. It wasn't fair to her or to you and now not to the boys you brought into the world. To say stay in for the sake of the kids sounds narrow considering you're not going to be faithful to you wife as evidenced by starting something with someone else. The right thing to do is provide for the boys, tell your wife and get a divorce because you at least owe the woman some respect in lieu of the relationship being for convenience and a cover. Unfortunately, when she does find out, she's going to be devastated, bitter and angry so get ready for the wrath with the divorce and visitation procedures.
Well folks this is all the time I have right now and I will meet up with you again on tomorrow night. This is your girl Nicole the relationship doctor and you are listening to straight talk with Nicole on WSEX FM. I want to say a special thanks to Juan and Pastor Stevens for stopping by tonight. As always folks, be honest with the one that you are with and most importantly be honest with thyself. We are out of here, good night and be safe.
Wow this was church night! I say to Pastor Stevens, I have to have you on my show one evening and we can talk about homosexuality and the church. He says he would love to come on my show and I said then it is a deal.”
Juan seems a little quiet and then I introduce them both to my show producer Trent.
Trent is standing there with the biggest grin on his face, he said “so it is so nice to meet you Juan I have heard so much about you.” Then I introduce him to Pastor Stevens and Trent says, nice to meet you Pastor, I think we have meet before those lips look familiar I mean your face looks familiar.” We all laugh and Pastor Stevens says he does not recall, but it was nice meeting Trent anyways. I tell, Juan that I need to take Trent home because his car is in the shop and I have a few things to do to get ready for tomorrows show before I leave. Juan says that he will just ride back with Pastor Steven because he has an early morning meeting and he wants to check on Nana. I walked them to the door and of course Trent and his busy ass is following us. We say our good nights and they leave.
I turn to Trent and ask him what he thinks and he says. “Child I am not sure about your man but your pastor is on the downlow.” I tell Trent he better not touch Gods anointed like that and then he says, “remember that freak park I was telling you about? Well, I never forget a face, I may not know your name but faces I remember. Well, your Pastor was there with a baseball cap pulled over his face and child he should have had on knee pads because he sucked just about everything in the park that night. He was down on his knees and he was not crying holy. He may have cried glories a few times but he was not on his knees in prayer.”
I say “fool you are crazy” and he said “I know for a fact cause he sure gave brother man here some good ass head that night. Man he got better suction then an Orrick vacuum cleaner sucking on a bowling ball, he said I almost passed out. I thought I had the ghost child, my knees got to shacking, I got dizzy and I was about to throw that finger up like the old ladies in church. Girl, I even felt a single tear come down my face and before I knew he had swallowed and was gone. But for the record I know those lips, like I know my own. When you find out the truth just remember that you heard it form Trent first.”
“Trent you have the wrong man, my Pastor is married with twins and he loves his wife and he would never cheat on her. “So was the other Pastor, you know these brothers be tipping on their wives and girls.” I then say “Well I know it was not my Pastor.”
Juan
As we walk to the car Craig kept saying “I am going to kill that fool, I am going to kill him.” He was pissed and I have never seen him so mad. I ask what is wrong and he says again “I am going to kill his ass!” I ask who and he sayS “that little bitch Ezekiel.” He gets on the phone and he is cursing someone out big time. Lawd for a moment, I forgot he was a pastor. I could hear him say” why in the hell are sissies so freaking cruel? That is why I hate all this sissy shit. I hate it and I hate your ass, it is over bitch and you better not call me or let me see your ass again because if I do I will kill your punk ass.” He walks over to me and said “I wish I could just stay in the closet. We got the world against us already. Then you got some super tired drama queen bitches hating on you. This is one of the reasons I prefer to deal with DL married men, because they got as much to lose as I do. Then I don't have to deal with none of these stupid ass young boys.”
I tell Craig to calm down and talk to me, he says “you know that fool that called in?” ”Who the preacher Dr. D ?”
“That fool too, but I am talking about Ezekiel, well that was me he was talking about; I have been messing with this boy for a few months now. How the hell is his ass going to be calling a radio station and putting my shit out there like that. Hell, no I did not tell his ass that I was a preacher up front and if he had not found out I would have never told his ass. To me he is just another man hoe that I have sex with to take care of the things my wife can’t do for me. I know better then to mess with those young boys, but damn boy had some good ass. I think that fool would have said my name if they had allowed him. Come on lets go by his house so I can bash his fucking skull in. That bitch is dangerous.”,
“Calm down man and I would love to see the morning news. Next on fox10, local pastor bashed his secret lovers head in. I would love to see you explain that one. Look Craig, I know the young boys be giving it when it comes to sex but your ass has to be more careful. You know every body knows your ass; you got pictures all over town, on buses, billboards and you are living this life a little too reckless. You have to be more careful my friend.”
“Fuck you”
“You would love that right?”
“I sure would and by the way when are we going to get our freak on again?”
“Craig we can’t do that and you know it.”He then asks why not and I explain that I am just too close to the situation for this to happen. He says that makes it better Kara already knows that we are friends and she would never suspect anything is going on. I tell him I understand but I just can’t do it and then Craig grabs me and pulls me into him and says, “you know I love you.” As I am about to say something he puts his finger to my lips, says hold that thought and he gives me a kiss. I look up and I see Trent in the window looking down so I pull way. Damn, damn, damn, what if he tells Nicole, shit what if she tells Kara. I tell Craig we got eyes on us and he says who that sissy Trent and I say yes. He then says that fool got some good dick, I sucked the hell out of him in the park a few months ago. I laugh and say “I guess he does know those lips.”
As we head for the car I tell Craig I will drive and I take the keys. I do not want a mad black DL man driving me down the street tonight. The first thing I do is call Nicole and see if Trent said any thing to her. Who answered the phone but Trent, I ask for Nicole and he says “don’t worry Boo Boo your secret is safe with me.” I ask him what he meant by that and he says “well since you are making Miss Nicole so happy maybe one night you can come by my place and put a smile on my face.” I tell that fool that we will have to see how well he keeps his mouth closed first. He said ask the Pastor if he liked the sex and I act like I do not know what he is talking about. Trent then tells me that Nicole is taping a commercial and will be free shortly. He asked is there a number she can reach me on and I give him my cell phone number. That was his way of getting my number and I knew this was not for her but for his tired ass, so I gave it to him. As I was driving down the street my phone rings and I don’t look but I assume it is Nicole. I answer with, hey baby and Trent says sup with you baby. I start to laugh and he says “so now you have my number so add me to your favorites.” I tell Craig what just happened he says “can I join you guys when you put that smile on his face?” We both just started to laugh.
To be continued…
Malek Ariel aka MA
