underneath it all

1

The Real World

            I can do this. I can get in front of these young people and tell them my story.  It wasn’t but two seconds ago that one of these students just tried to hit on me.  He is cute, but he is way too young, plus if he knew my story I don’t think he would be so quick to holla at me.  My girl Tracy talked me into this.  I don’t know why I even agreed, but I guess this story has to be told because our youth are the ones that really need to be educated on this. 

            Tracy is my best friend.  We’ve known each other since high school. We went to the same college in Virginia and even pledged the same Sorority, Delta Sigma Theta.   It was rough but we did it and we became even closer through that process.  She was dead set on becoming a teacher because she said that we don’t have the real teachers anymore.

She said we just have a lot of people that don’t encourage our kids, especially the African American children. So I had to come and support my girl.  Plus I really do need to get this off my chest. I’m no different than these kids in this auditorium. I thought the world revolved around me and I thought I was really untouchable, but that came to an abrupt end.  My world would be turned upside down and I wasn’t as untouchable as I thought.

See soon after we graduated from Norfolk University in the spring of 2000, Tracy went to get her Master’s degree in teaching and I went straight to work for the PR firm that I was interning with for the last two years.  Shortly there after, I opened my own PR firm.  I became a success right out the box.  But even with all of my experience, I still get nervous right before I give a speech.

“I’m about to bring out a really good friend of mine; she’s someone that you’ve read about in Essence, Ebony, Jet, Vibe and Black Enterprise. She’s been on numerous television talk shows and she’s no stranger to this community!  As a matter of fact, she grew up not too far from here. She has given so much of her time and money to this community that you probably have seen her around from time to time. She’s my Soror sister and my best friend, Miss Janelle Taylor!”

My girl, she always has to put me on a pedestal.

“Greetings students, I want to thank your teacher Miss Strong for those praises but I’m not here for all of that.  I’m here today to give you a serious wake up call about something that is out of control in this country; more importantly, it’s very strong within the African American communities.  It’s not talked about that much in the media because it’s not their problem.  Does anyone here know what I’m talking about?”

I look out into the audience and I hear a lot of things like drugs, teen pregnancy, rape, poverty and other things. But then I hear someone say AIDS.

“Yes, whoever said AIDS was correct.   It’s not talked about in the African American community that much because we either downplay it or we’re too embarassed to talk about it.  You all may be looking around and asking yourself, Ok what does that have to do with her? Well I’m HIV positive.”

Gasps and silence hit the room.

“I know y’all are shocked and saying to yourself she doesn’t look sick…she’s in countless magazines, her company does work with numerous hip hop, NBA, and NFL stars etc.  See that’s the thing about HIV and AIDS, it doesn’t go by who you are and what you know.  The reason I don’t look sick is I take care of myself and there are drugs and treatments that those with money can get and those without money can’t.”

I start to hear disgust and disdain in the audience. I forgot there are more than high school students in the crowd.  When word got out that Janelle Taylor was coming back to North Carolina and she was coming to her old high school, the local radio stations and newspapers blew it up big.  I told Tracy to keep this quiet but knowing my friend, she wasn’t going to be hush hush about this.  I should’ve known better because as much as I’ve done for this community, I knew there would be a huge turn out.

“I know that last statement ruffled a few feathers and it should’ve because it’s sad that those without money are left to die from this disease and the ones with money do it a little slower.  I’m not any better than the one’s without money. I come from the same neighborhoods some of y’all live in.   I was that girl that every boy in the hood wanted, I was that girl that would ride or die with you. Just because I got money now doesn’t mean I’m any better than any of y’all out there.  HIV didn’t choose me and I didn’t choose it.   I’m not Janelle Taylor president and C.E.O. of JT Image and Marketing INC. I’m Janelle Taylor a black woman that is HIV positive and living my life the best possible way I can.”

I look over to the side of the stage and see my father tearing up.  I should’ve known seeing my daddy over there would get me all choked up.  It was about a year ago when I told him I was HIV positive.  He got emotional then but I can understand why because I’m his baby girl, his only girl. After mommy died when I was nine I was all he had left.  My Dad could’ve remarried and I wanted him too, but he said he loved my mother and he felt that no other woman could live up to her. 

My Dad isn’t an ugly man and he always had women calling the house.  All my girlfriends’ mothers were always trying to get at him. My father puts you in the mind frame of an older more suave Ginuwine.  So it’s not like he couldn’t get the women, it’s just he chose not to remarry.  He even still wears his wedding band; he tells me all the time that I remind him of my mother so much, from the way I walk to the way I carry myself.

My Dad was the second person I told; Tracy was the first.  He asked me a thousand and one questions and at the time he scolded me for having unprotected sex. Being the overprotected parent he felt he still had to scold me.  He said we would get through this with God’s help and he understood.  It’s so hard seeing him getting all emotional, but I can’t breakdown.  I’m supposed to be strong right now to get my story out.  These kids and the other people in the audience need to understand there are consequences to their actions.

“…Okay, now that I’ve established that I’m a black woman that’s HIV positive and living with it, the million dollar question that is on all of your minds is how did she get it?”

I look out into the audience and see an even amount of silent minds that feel sorry for me, and those judging me.

 “Well first off I’m not on any drugs and I didn’t have a blood transfusion.  So that leaves one other thing - unprotected sex. Yes, Janelle Taylor had unprotected sex.  I’m human ladies and gentleman and I’m a redblooded woman.  I have urges just like anybody else. So the other question is who gave it to me right?”

I heard a lot of people saying yes among other things.

“I can’t give that information out because that’s between that person, his family and the other people he has slept with.   This person and I loved each other, and I thought this person was going to be my husband.  We both are adults; so us having unprotected sex was a mutual decision between two adults.  But what I didn’t bank on was him loving me and the countless other women.” 

I took a sip of water to clear my throat.  “And a man.”

Gasps then silence hit the room like an avalanche on a small village.