ACTUALLY NOT 0.6

‘Come here sweet thing you know I won’t hurt you. I just want to make you happy. And I know you want to make me happy so just come here. All I want is a hug, that’s it” Is what he said to her with a smile, that to a child a child looked full of innocence, but she knew better this is always how it started with a hug. Then he would tell her to put his hand on his knee. Then she would be in his lap. But it wasn’t that bad because she knew afterwards he would give her two dollars and she could run to the store and buy all the candy she wanted. “Come sit on my lap.” He said as he patted his lap and licked his lips. She walked over to him slowly knowing this was wrong but not sure as to exactly how. She sat in his lap and this time he ran his hands up her legs. Feeling uncomfortable she showed him the scar she had on her knee that was still fresh. She peeled the band-aid off and showed him the flesh wound. “Look, I fell in the park today and scraped my knee real bad.” “Aww poor baby what happened?’ he said to her now rubbing her shoulders and arms. Knowing this was getting bad she jumped out of his lap to act as though she was excited to give him a demonstration. “I was standing at the top of the slide in the little park right, and you know how they turn the sprinklers on in the summer time and you know it was hot today. So I told Clarence don’t wet me I’m gonna get in trouble I cant get wet so don’t throw any water on me when I get to the bottom.”

He not in the least bit interested in the story she was telling but tried to seem so began blatantly rubbing himself.

 “So I made him promise he wouldn’t wet me cause I didn’t want to get a beating. And he said don’t worry baby I’m not gonna wet you. And I said DON’T CALL ME BABY just don’t wet me. And he said to me well I won’t wet you if you make me your boyfriend and give me a kiss when you get to the bottom. I didn’t want to get wet and I knew he would wet me if I said no so I said okay.”  

Seeing the expression on his face she knew that she couldn’t tell him that she actually DID kiss Clarence so instead she told him that she ran when she got to the bottom of the slide and slipped in a puddle from the sprinklers and Angie helped her upstairs. Instead of saying that she kissed him, ran away laughing, fell, got up crying and kissed him again in the stairwell as he helped her upstairs because her knee was bleeding. She definitely knew to leave out the part about letting him feel her up in the stairwell too.

“Who did you say brought you upstairs?” Now nervous that he would ask she remained calm on the outside and repeated what she had originally said. ‘Angie, Angie helped me cause she came and knocked on the door to see if I could come out and mommy said I could so we was outside getting wet.” “I thought you said you couldn’t get wet.” Now the smile was gone from his face and she began to get nervous and started stuttering. “Well, umm, no I couldn’t get wet but Angie could so I was umm playing with her I was just going down the slide is all.” He sat quietly for a moment and said, “Now, look girl you know I don’t like liars so tell me what really happened. You know I’m the closest thing you have to a father so don’t you lie to me girl” There was silence. “I promise I won’t be mad you know I only have your best interest at heart. Now tell me and look here’s a little incentive.”   He dug deep in his pocket and took out a crisp five dollar bill. Hers eyes widened and she instantly calculated that she could buy 100 fruit punch jolly ranchers. She grabbed the five dollars, held it in her hands as she said “Well Angie was gonna help me upstairs but mommy was mopping and you know she don’t like a whole lotta people in the house while she cleaning so I made Clarence come with me upstairs in the elevator cause the light was broke out in the hallway and since it was his fault I fell.” He looked at her standing in front of him in her denim guess jumper dress and t shirt underneath. He grabbed her with all his mite and threw her on the bed. You little whore I knew you was lying the first time cause I saw you walk in the building with that nappy headed little boy. Oh so you fresh huh. He said as he unbuckled his pants. She lay on the bed in fear crying as he held her down with one of his arms. If only she hadn’t lied. “I’m sorry I lied, I promise uncle nothing happened I promise you can ask mommy she even invited him in and gave him some kool-aid. She likes him I promise uncle don’t do this to me.’ She looked on in horror and screamed as he pulled off her Minnie Mouse panties. “Oh yeah nothing happened, well we’re gonaa find out right now. You aint gonna be no whore like ya mamma cause yeah, her skanky ass is a whore too!” As much as this enraged her seven year old body she knew there was nothing she could do but cry and beg she pleaded with him to let her go but instead he began kissing her all over her body. She didn’t realize it before but now that he was so close he smelled like alcohol and sweat and she just wanted him off. She tried kicking and screaming but it was useless. She would have never thought that same place on her neck that she had allowed Clarence House to kiss her earlier in the stairwell and make her feel all warm inside and decide that she was going to marry him could also make her feel so used and less than. Screaming was pointless. No one was home and she live on a floor with all Spanish people so they stayed to themselves and didn’t bother with what was going inside of the Negro household. She could only pray that her mother or even her sister would come in the house and stop him from what he was doing. He went from kissing her on her neck to burying his head between her legs. “Nice clean and soft. Just how I like it! You aint even got no hair down here yet and letting these, oh no wait you got one hair grown here.” With one quick motion he plucked it out. “Ouch!” She screamed out in pain. He began licking her in her private area that her mother told her was private and that if anybody ever went down there to let her know about it.  “Uncle.” She began. “Just shut the hell up girl this aint gon hurt and I’m sure you gonna like it but if I go up in here and see you aint no virgin then it’s gonna be the end for you. “No uncle I promise I am a virgin. I promise look just look at it.’ She felt completely violated but she did what she felt she had to do to get out of the situation because she was a survivor even at such a young age. He pressed two fingers against her opening and when she yelled out in pain he pressed one. Still screaming he was satisfied with the results. He then buried his head in between her legs and began licking and sucking on what her mother told her she was to cherish and value. Torn between how she should be feeling she didn’t know what to do. She was so enraged that she was being raped, was this rape she thought to herself since he didn’t actually stick it in. No I guess it’s not she but still unable to feel that this was right. She felt her breathing intensify and her breaths were getting shorter she let out a low moan because it actually felt good.

“Yeah I told you, you would like it. If you don’t lie to me I can be so good to you. I promise now call me daddy.” Embarrassed because she showed that she was  enjoying it she didn’t know what to do so she tried to jump up but he held her down again. “it’s okay baby uncle is right here and I’m going to take good care of you. Just sit back and enjoy yourself. She knew there was no use so she laid her head back down on the couch and allowed him to molest her. That was a better word she thought to herself this isn’t really rape and I guess it’s not molestation either because now I’m enjoying it. ‘Call me daddy! I want you to wrap your little legs around my head when it gets really good and call me daddy.” He began licking faster and faster and made her feel better than a new ring. Or a fresh hair do. Or being the first kid on the block with the newest Jordans this was something else. This was, this was magical. Lost in a train of thought feeling like Alice in Wonderland the room began to spin and things were changing colors. She wrapped her legs around his head and screamed out ‘DADDY, DADDY OH DADDY.”

Linda shot up from her position now on the floor lying next to Eric. She looked over and saw that he was still asleep. She got up and walked over to the couch and took the letter that Ricky had written her got her cell phone and walked to the bathroom. This was the third time since she had been back that she had that dream. There was a point in her life when they stopped coming all together but now that they were coming more frequently she took that as a sign that she was getting closer.

Finishing up the letter in the bathroom in tears she called Ricky to tell him how much she loved him too and that she couldn’t wait to get back home. Jacqui looked in the mirror and fixed herself. She looked deep in her eyes and what she saw scared her so much that she had to look away. One day it will all be over and she can go on and living a normal life. Just the thought of being with Ricky forever made her smile. For now she would have to deal with Eric.

As she walked out of the bathroom she saw Eric sitting on the couch on the verge of tears. “Who was on the phone Linda, if not for anything else do it out of respect for me and tell me the truth. I’m tired of wondering all the time. I love you so much that I am willing to let you go if that’s what makes you happy. Just be honest with me.”

Honesty not being at the top of her list of priorities at the moment she opened her mouth but nothing came out. It was his big brown eyes.

 It was the fact the she could see the pain all over his face.

It was the fact that they were engaged, at least in his mind.

It was that sexy scar on his face that he had gotten defending her.

It was the fact the he loved her more than he loved himself.

It was the fact they he KNEW he wasn’t the only one.

 It was the fact that his children loved her.

 It was the fact that she knew he was a good man and would make someone very happy one day.

 It was the fact that he was a hard worker and tried to giver her the world.

It was the fact that he had absolutely nothing to do with what was going on he just had gotten caught up in the mix.

It was the fact that she actually was IN LIKE with him.

It was the fact that her mind body and soul belonged to Ricky.

It was the fact that SHIT HAPPENS!

 It was the fact that she had set her mind to doing something that could not get fucked up that made her lie.

 Baby I was on a three way with my mom and my cousin. She told me that my ring was ready and that she was sending it to me today. I just love them. Snuggling next to him on the couch, “I swear, without you and them in this world baby I would be so lost.”

Wanting so badly what she just said to be true he hugged her back and kissed her on her forehead. In a solemn tone he said “Don’t forget about the kids.” Speaking of kids what were you saying earlier in the night about OUR kids?” Just the sound of her saying OUR kids made his dick jump and he began to kiss her intensely again.

OKAY SO WHILE TALKING TO MY BOY LAST NIGHT I REALIZED THIS WAS GOING TO BE MORE THAT 10 PTS... LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

TSIC... I DO THIS FOR YOU... NOT REALLY I DO IT FOR ME! BUT I MEAN THAT WITH THE MOST LOVE AND RESPECT FOR YOU ALL!