RIPPED & READY (PART 38)

RIPPED & READY (PART XXXVIII)

Driving up University Avenue in Palo Alto, my car seemed to have a mind all its own. The traffic was thicker than Tule fog in the central valley.  My nerves were on edge because I didn't know what the hell was taking place at the apartment.  Had I followed my first mind, I would have taken Sand Hill Road up to HWY 280 instead of trying to get to HWY 101.  I hated 5:00pm traffic as much as I hated the thought of Lance being at my house, alone, with Joseph.

I had so much fight inside of me until I knew I had to get a grip or, I would snap and get myself into trouble (road rage, ya'll).  I was sick of motherfuckers cutting me off, and paying more attention to texting or talking than watching the road.  I changed the music on my system to something a bit calmer because, listening to 2Pac would have me reaching for my damned gat (Just kidding, I don't even own a gun). 

My mind was racing back and forth as I repeatedly attempted to calm myself down.  When my cell phone started vibrating, I looked down and saw that it wasn't a call, it was a text message.  I waited until the next stop light, and checked it and when I saw what it said; I started feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. 

M6 was written numerous times. 

Collin. 

The term you never forget your first, well, it definitely was right on the money.  I'll never forget the night we made love in that Motel 6 hotel room. Damn, just thinking about it started things a stirrin' down below.  When D'Andre found out that Collin and I had knocked boots, it changed something between him and me.  I remember how chilly he acted towards me when I gave him that hug right before he left for the airport to return back south for school.

I think, more than anything, his pride was hurt -- I mean, he had the hazel eyes, was more polished than Collin was, so  how could I even let Collin hit it before him? We were not a couple, but it still bothered me though, because I never intended to hurt his feelings.  

Even though I had started a real relationship with Joseph soon after his departure, I still took note of how few calls I was getting from him -- he never even bothered to return home for the summer.  Collin and I hadn't hooked up since that night but, since we were the only ones still living close enough to each other, we stayed in touch on a regular basis -- sometimes we even hooked up at Dave & Buster's in Milpitas to down some beers and play pool (Hell no I can't play pool for shit).

I'd get these text messages from time to time.  When I spoke to him about them, Collin would just tell me that those were the times he was thinking about me.  Truth be told, if Collin ever wanted us to be a couple, deep down I knew, Joseph would probably never have a chance.  That was something I never had to worry about though, because Collin said he couldn't imagine not having a female in his life. 

When he told me that, I assured him that I couldn't imagine sharing my man with anybody, so we agreed to just be friends; however, I had been receiving multiple "M6" messages throughout the week for the past month which had me a little confused. 

Still floating from the most recent text from Collin, the drive home went easier.  Hell, by the time I reached the entry way to the complex, my anger had subsided and, once inside of the apartment, I noticed that Joseph wasn't even home. I was actually relieved -- now ain't that a bitch? 

Instead of plopping down in front of the television, I decided to do some floor exercises (Lunges, crunches, and push-ups).  I decided to make a constant effort to incorporate exercise into my routine at least three times a week -- let's face it, I am my father's child and, all that beer I had been drinking lately, was hitting me right in the middle. 

Now the question is, was I doing this for myself, Joseph, or Collin? 

You can lie to everyone else, but one thing you cannot do, is lie to yourself. 

Hmmm... M6. 

Damn, if I could ya'll I'd kick my own ass.