RIPPED & READY (PART 14)

RIPPED & READY (PART XIV)

Right when I was about to give up on hope, it pulls up in front of Todd's aunts' house, and parks across the street.  It was Collin and his ghetto ass girl, Tootchie.  Collin's loud, distorted ass, dash-board vibrating-mess was blaring out the window of his rusty ass '66 Impala.   Now I have seen older cars that have been fixed up and they look beautiful but, his broke ass didn't have the funds to restore his to eye-appealing glamour.  

It was a straight up "Hoop-T".  

Before Todd got the chance to get to Collin, the screen door flung open and his Aunt Beatrice appeared in the door way with a cross look on her face.  "Who in the hell is making all that noise out here disturbing the damn neighborhood, Todd?" she asked, visibly irritated.  

"TURN DOWN THAT DAMN NOISE BOY!" she yelled, waving her hands about, while stepping down off of the porch, onto the lawn area.  I couldn't help but chuckle looking at those stockings she had on, along with those furry pink house slippers.  Collin was so involved into getting his groove on, he didn't hear her the first time. 

Todd knew when to stay out of grown-folks business, so he just covered his eyes, not wanting to witness the scene that was about to take place.  Tootchie spotted her approaching the car, and you could see her tapping Collin on the shoulder.  He immediately stopped mid-bounce, hit the volume on his stereo and, the look on his face as she cursed his ass out was priceless.  

We all burst out laughing.  

Everyone watched her as she made her way back across the street, onto the lawn, stepping back up on to the porch, then as she disappeared back into the house.  Tootchie and Collin waited until she was no longer visible before exiting the car.  "Ya'll niggas is fowl," he said, crossing the street.  

Now, they say every dog has his day and I suppose that rule applies to a dog-ette.  When Tootchie locked eyes onto Denise, a new hell broke loose.  She left Collin's side and raced over towards Denise, fist balled up, and when she reared back, I just knew all of my current dreams were about to be answered.  

Had she not been flirting with Todd, perhaps she would have seen it coming. 

CRACK! 

She nailed Denise right in the jaw.  Denise let out a scream that sounded like a pig's squeal (hey, if the sound fits...).  D'Andre was mortified.  Before Collin got the chance to grab Tootchie, she had already gotten a hold of Denise's pony tail and was pulling her ass down towards the ground.  

SLAP! 

I never budged from my seat.  All the loud cursing and screaming re-activated aunt Beatrice.  This time, she swung the screen door open so hard, it slammed back and hit the wall.  

"If I have to come out her capping, I will!" she screamed.  

"Now I don't know what the hell has happened now, but you can take that violent crap away from in front of my house! Do I make myself clear?" she asked, with both hands on her hips.  

"I'm sorry, Mrs..." Tootchie said, getting cut off mid-sentence.  

"Child, save all the pleasantries for another old bitch who wants to hear it, 'cause this one ain't got the time to give a damn! Now, take your trifling asses away from in front of my yard or the next sound you hear, will be bullet shells hitting the ground.  I ain't got no Uzi, but I sure in the fuck know how to beat down two over-made-up floozies.  Now get to stepping, I don't want to hear it!" she yelled, looking at both Denise and Tootchie. 

Once I saw both those cars turning the corner, I grinned so wide until you would know how pleased I was with the way everything went down. 

I guess once she saw them turning the corner, it was enough for her, and she, disappeared behind the screen door again.  I looked at Todd and he looked at me and we held our hands over our mouths, giggling quietly.  The last thing we wanted to do was resurrect Aunt Beatrice. 

He blew me a kiss and returned to washing her car.

They can say whatever they want about good old fashion ladies, but I loved them to death. 

I just knew the rest of the day was going to be sweet.