dragged... (Part 5)

         Everybody Plays The Fool

          “Oh, my goodness, they’re lovely, Sunny,” I said, admiring the three lovely garments that she had just presented to me.

          I couldn’t help but wonder, in the back of my mind, why, all of sudden, she was being so kind to me; however, I had never had the pleasure of owning high quality outfits before, and the thought of adding them to my skimpy collection was clouding my perception.  I was pretty sure that these gifts carried a stiff price tag, and I was not really sure how high it was going to be, so I made a mental note to keep my eyes and ears open.   

          “Missouri, dear, I decided that it was time to start giving back by helping out an up and coming Diva Star, it seemed like the perfect thing to do,” she said, grinning like a hyena sizing up a left over carcass.

          The rags reeked of class, and I was absolutely in awe and couldn’t wait to slip into one of them.  My scraggly wardrobe was a combination of Sear’s Chic and J. C. Penny pizzazz, so I never received the loud applauses that the high profiled Divas got, but I did have a select group of loyal followers who always showed their appreciating by whistling and shouting my name whenever I graced the stage. 

          “Sunny, I so appreciate your generosity and I plan on paying you something for these wonderful additions to my collection…I’ve never owned anything so glamorous,” I told her, as I took an instant liking to the copper number with the shingles; I favored it out of the three and could see myself making my grand entrance beneath the gleam of the spotlight. 

          “Oh, no, you don’t owe me anything for these, like I said, I want to share my blessings with others who haven’t the means to buy expensive items such as these.  My heart just couldn’t take it any longer, watching the way you always hold your head up so high, modeling those off-the-rack fashions intended for the working class woman,” she said, with this facial expression that assured me she was trying to sugar coat an obvious put down, with a phony ass, sinister looking closed mouth smile.    

          As she grinned at me, a chill went down my spine and I felt as frightened as that little blond-haired blue eyed girl in “The Adams Family” movie after the dark, homicidal maniac, Wednesday Adams smiled at her.

          It felt like I had silently made a deal with the devil, because her callousness preceded her even before I had actually gotten the chance to meet her over a year ago.  Several of the house-Queens took turns sharing tales of horror, involving the Ice Princess, and when she walked into the dressing room, they hushed their conversations, faced their mirrors, and turned their backs on Sunday, intentionally ignoring her. 

          Sunny scoffed loudly and said “I know you K-Mart bitches were up in here talking about me, but my mama always said, if they still talk about you then you’re still a threat to them.”  She eyed me up and down in passing with a disapproving frown on her face, never once saying hello. 

          I remember that day just like I remembered what color panties I had put on that morning; even though it had happened well over a year ago.  That’s why I couldn’t trust her because I knew what she was capable of, and I was not born yesterday.  Most folks mistake my down-home, passive personality for being weak and frail, but I knew how to throw some fists and retract some nails if a situation called for me to rake out the Vaseline and yank off the earrings.   

          I grew up in East Oakland, California and I have had to fight both niggas and women who disrespected me.  I’m pretty sure that Sunny had some scheme going on, but I was not about to let her suck me into whatever it was.  My mother used to always say, never underestimate the wickedness of the devil's disciples; the moment you do, is when you become their prey.  I had never forgotten that important piece of wisdom she willed to me, because I had no desire to become today’s tool and yesterday’s fool for nobody. 

          When some of the other Queens started trickling into the dressing room that we all shared because were weren’t A-List Qeens, she turned up her nose like she was smelling something fowl, and said to me, “Dear, Sunny doesn’t fair well with the Payless Pump brigade, so I’m going to leave before for somebody infects me with their tackiness,” she smirked.

          Kimora stopped in her tracks, spun around and shot back, “You are acting real extra up in here Cruella, and I do not appreciate your funky ass remarks, so you had better slither your trifling behind up out here before somebody gives you some under-used black and blue eyeliner.”

          “Bitch, you wish you could work a stage like Sunny Skies!” Sunny snapped back, snapping her fingers dramatically. 

          Kimora shook her head with disdain.  “Honey, you are a few minutes over your limelight period, so you and your scuffed up ass stilettos really need to start clacking across the floor, you graceless gorilla…ewww, I cannot stand your ass,” she told her, turning her back and walking away from Sunny.

          The attitudes in the room were thicker than tule fog and I had to hold my breath and pray that the verbal battle of wit didn’t escalate into a physical battle of punches.  Thankfully, Sunny took the high road, this time, and snapped her fingers multiple times, and exited the room with a quick bow and flip of the middle finger. 

          “Don’t get it broken boo…don’t get that crooked ass motherfucker broken…okay,” Kimora yelled out after here. 

          Everyone in the room burst into a loud applause, praising Kimora for not backing down to the Wickedest Bitch in Lilly’s.  Elixir walked in moments after Sunny left, and when she heard what had happened, she joined the rest of the Queens by adding a few of her own snide remarks about her nemesis.   

          I was too excited about trying on my copper two-piece number to participate with them, and it didn’t go without notice.  Elixir walked over to where I was and quickly identified the piece I was going to wear later that night.  The look of disgust on her face let me know that she didn’t appreciate the fact that I was about to wear an outfit that had been given to me by her enemy. 

          “Dear God!” she gasped, clutching her chest like she had real breasts. 

          “What is that all about, Lixy?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t put me on Front Street in front of the others.

          “Missouri Meadows, what the hell is this?” She asked, pinching the upper shoulder of my two piece outfit.

          I moved my shoulder forward and said, “Don’t do that, you’ll cause a puckle in the material.”

          “So, that is your only worry, huh, mommy?” She asked, clearly wanting me to tell her that I had gotten the outfit from Sunny.  I wasn’t biting though. 

          I stopped lining my eyes, and looked at her, agitated; batting my eyes hoping she would see how much she was annoying me.  I hated it when people tried to run my life, and I wondered for the first time why she herself had never given me anything besides stolen quotes from Rupaul. 

          “You’ve got to be kidding me?  I hope you don’t think that the bitch gave you those damned garments because she likes you, because if you do, then you’re a dumb ass bitch!” She told me, folding her arms, waiting for me to respond.

          “At least she has given me something to help me out, what have you ever given me, Lixy, some tired ass quotes by a Diva that you’ll probably never meet?” I asked her, knowing that I’d hit a nerve with my comment  

          “Oh, so now you think you can dish it out, huh?  Well, let me tell you this, hand-me-down-Hannigan, that crooked Queen is going to chew your ass up and spit you out like she has done to so many others here in this room, you mark my words,” she said, storming off.

          Her loud response caused jaws to drop, and make up pencils to hit vanity tables.  The quiet was so loud until I felt like running out of the dressing room to avoid the leers I was getting.  Elixir had crossed the line and when I got the chance, I was going to rip her a new one. 

          I turned around to my mirror, and re-started the task of getting dolled up.  The copper color looked wonderful against my high-yellow skin tone and I wanted that night to be the best one of my Drag career.  I didn’t care if it was a hand-me-down outfit, it was fierce and I was going to hold my head up when my name was announced.

          Fuck Elixir Calhoun, she was just as bad as Sunny, walking around this place like everyone else was beneath her. Well, I was tired of being the hand-maiden to these old ass Queens.  They didn’t own the spotlight there at Lilly’s and I was about to scratch and climb my way up to the top.  One day I would have my own dressing room just like those two egotistical Divas. 

          I peeked through the curtain to see how packed the house was, and when I saw Maddox’s buddy, Nicholas Harper sitting in the crowd, I felt butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, he was so damn fine. Tonight I was going to work that stage so hard that Cal-Trans was going to have to be called to come in and make some repairs in the morning.  

          “My dear, you look absolutely dreamy,” Sunny whispered in my ear.   

          I gushed like a spring fountain after her compliment. 

          “Sunny, I owe it all to you,” I told her. 

          Yea, I knew I was dealing with a devil, but I told myself that I wasn’t going to allow myself to get poked by her pitchfork.

          “Queens, Gays, and you other folks, please welcome to the stage, the sexy, seductive, SS Missouri,” the announcer said, introducing me with a title that I had never heard him say. The SS had a ring to it, and I decided to keep it. 

         Hello world, SS Missouri is about to get up close and personal.  I pushed my shoulders back, stuck out my chest, and when the curtain opened, the crowd went wild.   

        Uh, huh, kiss my ass bitches...