dragged... (Part 40)

               The Love I Lost  

“Nicholas, I just heard that Lilly’s was the location picked to host a $100,000 Drag Queen contest.  The details are pretty sketchy right now, but the person who informed about it is a pretty reliable source and I cannot tell you how thrilling it all sounds,” I told him, filled with overwhelming joy.  This could be the ship that will allow me to sail off into the sunset with a cabin load of money to jump start my career.

His lackluster response to the exciting news was yet another fly in the ointment that already had quite a few winged insects trapped in its stickiness.  It was hard to read his mood because he was good at masking his emotions when he didn’t feel like having a discussion.  His facial expressions were always relaxed and his body language was always calm and demure, but I had been around him enough to when something was troubling him. 

“Are you okay, honey?” I asked, searching the diameters of his face to see if they would reveal anything about his current state of mind.

“I’m fine, just got a lot of things on my mind, that’s all,” he mumbled, reluctantly, moving about the room without looking my way after giving that half assed response. 

I walked over to where he was and slid in between his body and the dresser and I tried to get him to look me in the eyes, but he backed away from me in avoidance.  He sighed loudly, and then asked me if I had seen his light blue, long sleeved, dress shirt because he thought he had stored it in the top drawer.  He went on to say that he hated it when someone moved his things around without his permission because the last thing he needed was someone trying to play the role of his mother, and his accusing tone tripped the wrong nerve in me.

I got into his face again and grabbed him by the right arm.  “What the hell is the matter with you, Nick?  You’re walking around this damn place with an attitude when I’m the one that should have one,” I told him, as I took my hand and gently grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me.

He slapped my hand away. 

“Don’t do that!” he said. 

“You know something, baby boy; I’m the one that should have the fucking attitude.  You bolted out of here earlier today without the decency to finish up the discussion we were having, and then when you returned home you were intoxicated and smelling of sex.  To add insult to injury, you removed your cloths and climbed your funky ass into bed next to me with some bitch’s love juices still on your person, so, lover man, you explain to me why you’re the one with the attitude?” I asked, standing there in front of him with my hands parked on hips.

He scoffed then said, “Fuck it, I’ll wear the white one!” He turned from me, walked toward the closet and slid open the doors of it.  

He snatched one of his starched, white, long sleeve shirts from off a hanger inside the closet, and rudely brushed against me in passing as he left the room.  I could feel my fleeting patience rush past my sensibility and I knew that before he got the chance to leave this time, we were going to have it out.  I stomped my right foot in frustration, took a deep breath, then turned and left the room, following in his footsteps.  

When I reached the bathroom where he was, the door was closed so I turned the knob but discovered that he had locked the door behind him. I was infuriated.  I started pounding on the door, requesting him to unlock it.  “Open this motherfucking door your son of a bitch, how dare you try and disregard my feelings by closing me out.  I have been nothing but kind to you and I don’t deserve this sort of treatment.  Now you open this god dammed door before I kick it the fuck in!” I screamed. 

“You need to go some place and sit yourself down, Missouri,” He said from behind the door. 

“No! You unlock this door right now, Nicholas Harper, I’m warning you, I will kick it in!” I swore, riddled with anger. 

He didn’t respond.

“Nick!” I called out his name again. 

When he continued to ignore me I used all the rage I had in me and I lifted my foot and sent it crashing against the door.  The impact of it sent pictures flying off of the wall.  After my failed first attempt, I hiked my foot up again and used all of the fury I had brewing inside of me and on the second attempt the door flew up and slammed against the wall, knocking whatnots off of the shelves in the bathroom. 

“You crazy bitch, I cannot believe you damaged the door,” He said from behind the glass doors of the shower. 

I heard him turning off the water, and when he slid the door back, soap suds were streaming down his broad chest and ripped torso.  He gave me a cross look, grabbing one of the large, white, bath towels from off of the top of the closed toilet seat, and he wrapped it around his nakedness.  He climbed out of the tub without saying much more, except that he had had enough of all my insecure behaviors. 

When I tried to block him from leaving the bathroom, he grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me up against the wall, causing more items to fall from the shelves.  “I’m going to ask you one more time to leave me the hell alone and go on about your business.  You have made these last few weeks a living hell for me.  With Maddox going through hell right now all I asked of you was to be supportive of me while I helped my friend, but all you could do was act like a jealous ass bitch and continually talk about your fans and your spotlight.  Well, Missouri, I thought there was more to you than all of that, I hate to God that I ever met you, so by the time I get back I want you outta here, now I hope you heard that!” He said, releasing me from his powerful hold. 

“I know there’s something going on between you and Maddox; I felt it the first time I saw him looking at you, Nick.  So, you can say whatever it is you wanna say to try and deny it, but I know deep down that you know I’m telling the truth.  You’ve been looking for an out, baby, I know you have.  So, what, are you and he going to live happily ever after know?” I asked, as tears streamed down my face.  I clutched my chest as if I had been wounded in it. 

“Missouri, whoever hurt you fucked you up, girl, because you don’t even know the difference between fantasy and real.  Maddox and I are platonic friends, and even if he did like me, I was with you, you were the one I wanted, not him, but you couldn’t see past your own insecurities to trust me,” he said, responding from the bedroom as he dressed. 

I stood there in the bathroom, surrounded by all of the items that had fallen off the walls, inhaling the dissipating mist from the shower he had just taken.  If I hadn’t seen Maddox giving him the elevator eyes, and if I hadn’t smelled the scent of a woman’s pussy on him the prior night, maybe I could believe what he was telling me.  I may be many things, but a naïve adult isn’t one of them. 

If my crime was loving him and trying to protect our relationship, then I know I was guilty, but I guess he couldn’t see that everything I said or did was all for us.  Why couldn’t it always be how it was the night when I won the drag Utopian Contest; when he swept me off of my feet and we danced the night away?

When the front door slammed I knew that it was over.

Missouri Meadows let him go; there are 100,000 more reasons now for you to reach inside of yourself, and retrieve the ultimate Diva in you.  You’ll win him back, after you take home top honors in Lilly’s ultimate drag contest. 

Oh yes, he’ll come running back.