dragged... (Part 18)

                Tears of a Clown  

Watching her leave in the long, black, stretch limo, dressed so elegant and lovely was almost unbearable to watch.  I wanted her to be all mine exclusively, but her insatiable hunger for that goddamn spotlight was as intoxicating as the fine, white, lines of cocaine that seemed to have gotten their hold on me.  When I took my first hit I felt as if I had sniffed away part of my soul because the next thing I knew I was stealing a few dollars from the cash register at the shoe store to appease my hunger. 

Nick must’ve sensed that there was something wrong, because he kept commenting on my sudden mood changes and how my personality seemed to be going through a phase.  He said I was too young to be having a mid-life crisis because I wasn’t even thirty years old yet (I had two more years before I hit the triple X’s of three decades).  I played down his remarks because I knew that I didn’t have a problem, at least that was what I kept telling myself. 

My recent suspension from work should have been a clear indication to me that something was not right, but I shrugged it off and took it in stride because I was Maddox McNair the super cool, suave, debonair, ladies man and if something were wrong then my dick would have let me know – it was my trouble monitor and as long as it was working then I had to be okay. 

Just ask my main girl (real girl) Ebony Mathews, I had knocked a mud hole in her pussy a couple of hours ago and she had actually given me a standing ovation.  I lay on my back, bare chest, and took it all in, tickled as hell by the praise that she was giving me, for hitting her g-spot three times in an hour. Yea, I had that affect on my women, I always left them wanting more, but I wasn’t interested in hitting Ebony’s pussy after I busted my first nut, all I could think about was that lovely creature who was entering that limousine – she had a hold on me, just like that white girl I was starting to fiend for at the moment. 

I sat in my car and watched Sunny’s carriage roll past and that’s when the tears began to stream down my face.  My thirst for her was making me crazy and I couldn’t shake it, and I knew how I could be when I wanted someone or something – I usually transformed into somebody with stalker-like characteristics, and after that last situation that almost sent my ass to jail, I needed to find a way to control myself;   I didn’t want to become the animal I knew I could be, because this time I might not be as lucky as I had been the last time.

Elixir never had that affect on me, our thing was more sensible.  I suppose it was her reserved calm that quieted the beast in me, and she never made me beg for some of her lovin’, she always gave it to me whenever I wanted it, so why wasn’t that enough?  I had it all with Lixy.  With her I felt ten feet tall, and the beast within me was tamed, but as I looked at the full moon that was out towering above the city this evening, I felt that twitch coming back, and I knew that I was slowly beginning to transform into a monster that I thought had died. 

As the tears began their decent down my face more rapidly, I stuck my hand into my shirt pocket and retrieved the small, rectangular, piece of paper that held the medication I needed to appease the hunger of the beast.  I took absolute care unwrapping it so that I wouldn’t spill any of the costly contents; I took a credit card out and stuck the tip of it into the white powder.  Once I had the proper amount on it, I put it to my right nostril and inhaled quickly.  I repeated the same routine for the left nostril, and then I hit both nostrils again. 

After a few minutes I felt the effects of the drug consuming my senses, and my dick got harder than a frozen hotlink.  The light jazz playing on the radio blended together with the high perfectly, and it caused me to start swaying along with the sexiness of the saxophone wailing an exotic note.  For now it seemed that I had managed to keep the beast at bay, but Sunny had better start putting out or I was going to lay her out.  

The image of us making love with that ferocious intensity was almost unbearable and I knew that I couldn’t wait until she returned home from the club, so I located Elixir’s number in my cell phone rolodex, and hit send.  I figured that she hadn’t had any dick for the last couple of weeks, and she hadn’t been to Lilly’s so I figured she was somewhere sulking.  I would be just what the doctor ordered and I could almost hear the excitement in her voice when I told her that daddy was coming over to get some of her sweet thang. 

It rang once…

It rang twice…

It rang three, four and five times, but there wasn’t an answer…

I was puzzled because she hadn’t seen me since that night so I was certain that she would jump at the chance to jump my bones, but when she didn’t pick up it bruised my pride.  I took a few more hits of cocaine, waited for about fifteen minutes, and I dialed her number again, this time she picked up on the second ring. 

“Maddox McNair, I can’t believe that you had the unmitigated gall to call me up, after disrespecting me the way you did a few weeks ago,” she said without saying hello. 

Now that was not the greeting I was expecting.

“Elixir, you know that you are my only boo, Sunny doesn’t mean anything to me,” I told her, lying my ass off. 

“Nigga, what the hell do you want, huh?  I don’t even know why I bothered answering this phone.  I know you only called me because Sunny probably dropped your trifling ass,” she said, scoffing after her nasty comment. 

It damn near knocked me out of the car when she hit the nail right on its head.  How in the hell did she know that Sunny had balled me up and chucked me down to the floor like stadium garbage?  I wasn’t shocked by her response though, but I was annoyed with it.  A player didn’t like being called out like this and to save face I refused to give her the upper hand, so I did what any strong black man in my position would do, I tried to enter her mind through a side door. 

“Baby, the moment I saw your lovely face between the strap of that red stiletto, I knew that no other woman would possess the key to my heart.  You fill me up unlike no other, Lixy, that’s why I had to call you to tell you that you’re the only one for me…I’m not lying sweetheart,” I told her, macking as only I could.

When she didn’t respond right away I was taken aback.  I listened closely waiting for her response, but instead of getting one, I heard laughter and music playing in the background.  The inaudible voices sounded like those of party goers and I felt myself getting heated.  I didn’t like being ignored and she was doing a good job at doing it, so I decided to come at her another way.

“Elixir, where are you my love?  Let me rescue you and take you home, tell me where you are so that I can drive over there and sweep you up into my arms…the way I’ve done so many times before,” I said, pouring all of my heart out to her. 

“Huh?  You’re still on the phone?  Maddox, in order to come and sweep me off of my feet it would require a plane ticket, and I know that your wallet resembles the gas tank in your car, they’re both on empty, so, I’m going to let you do you, ‘cause I sure as hell am doing me.  Miami is taking care of mama just fine, okay, so later boo” She said, ending the conversation before I had a chance to even reply. 

Miami?

Did she just say Miami?