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                 My Name Is…
 
How in the hell did I get to this place in my life?  My father was a hardworking man who slaved away at two jobs to make sure that we had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and cloths on our backs.  We may not have had all of the extras, but we certainly had everything we needed and Christmas was always magical for us kids.  I was the oldest of three children; I had younger brother named, Avery and a sister named Detria.  They were both alive and doing well, though I hadn’t talked to either of them in over five years.   Moms died when we were in our teen years and it pushed our old man over the edge. 
When you lose your soul mate, it cripples your spirit and something dies in you; he was a ...

                   Mamma Say
                   Mamma Saw
 
My mother always managed to appear at the right time.  I’m sure my sister was too distraught over her foiled wedding day to embrace the accidental discovery of her groom to be and me as being better then than later.  I mean, I’m not a monster, I just feel that even though she had to discover that her man was tipping on the down low on their wedding day, it was best that she found out then instead of walking down the aisle, doing the honeymoon thing, buying a house, and having children. I saved her from further disgrace by outing him before had the chance to really start building a life of deceit with her. ...

               Trouble in Paradise
 
“Nicholas, Maddox deserved what he got, fucking around with Sunny Skies.  He dogged Elixir out something terrible, so he needs to stew in his own brew after what he did,” I told, my baby. 
 
“Missouri, if you think for one second that I’m not going to be there for my nigga, then you’ve got another thing coming.  That’s what friendship is all about, you have to be there in both good and bad times, and I’m not going to see my boy fall, so quit talking all that obnoxious bullshit,” He told me, agitated by my request for him to let Maddox fall and find his own way back.  
 
I didn’t like how close the two of them were at all.  When I told him ...

                    Reality Bites
 
The high from my seven day cruise was ending, but I came home with fatter pockets and a rosier disposition.  I had found a new friend with connections in the entertainment industry, and she had shown me a wonderful time.  The second night of my cruise, she had all of my belongings moved to her suite on the ship, and I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.  On the final day of the cruise she left me with a large Luis Vuitton trunk filled with glamorous, expensive gowns, and made a promise to me that she was going make me larger than life under her management.
She even accompanied me to the airport and upgraded my coach ticket to a first class one saying that a Diva never traveled coach. I landed at San Francisco ...

         The Soul of a Black Man   
 
When I woke up it felt like someone had beaten the shit out of my head with a hammer.  I saw the first light of dawn creeping across the distance, peaking beneath the blanket of darkness, and the chill of morning was causing my bones to ache and it was numbing. The last thing I remembered is that I was scuffling with Sunny trying to recreate that night of passion I had experienced with her during our scandalous, brief, affair, but then something happened; someone had intervened and halted what was likely to be another forced attack. 
I pulled my coat together to ward off the cold that seemed to be slowing the flow of blood in my body.  My hands felt like ice, and my nostrils burned when I breathed through them so I had to alternate, opening and ...

                Sound the Alarm   
 
“Maddox, stop it!” I screamed, as I tried pushing him off of me.
 
Reasoning with someone whacked out on the white girl was like trying to explain to the drug dealer why you didn’t have his money, there was no understanding.  His glossy eyes made him look demonic in the dimly lit room, and the animalistic sounds coming from the bowels of his gut, along with the saliva that was dripping out the sides of his mouth chilled my bones. I couldn’t help but feel that, in his current state of mind, he was indeed, a monster.
He stifled my screams by placing his large, cupped, hand over my entire mouth, and because his hand was so large, the upper part of it was blocking my nasal airway, so it felt like I was suffocating.  ...

                       Celebration  
 
“Ladies, Queens, and Faggots, the winner of this year’s Drag-Utopian contest is…”
 
As I stood there beneath the bright lights, my whole life seemed to flash before my eyes, but this time when I got to the present all I felt was joy.  I was working a tight little red-mini, with thigh high red-pant-and leather boots.  During my walk, the commentator gasped when I turned my back to the audience and shook my money maker, making it rain on all those hoes. It was a moment that I would never forget, because the crowd’s hush turned to a shout as they started chanting the word “Fierce” over and over. 
The amazed look on my father’s face was worth all the gold in ...

              Karmic Consequences
 
If it’s not one thing it’s another.  First I get my dome cracked by my sister’s ex fiancé and now I have a man staking out my house.  I didn’t like Maddox’s latest moves at all; they felt a tad “stalkerish” so I really needed to become  more aware of my surroundings from this point on.  I had the groundskeeper change the locks to my doors, because in the thralls of satisfaction I was fool enough to give him a key.  I wasn’t at all happy with how things had played out because nothing I had planned was working in my favor. 
As I lay there, resting, healing up from Stanley’s brutal attack, I felt remorseful about how I had been living my life, but was I too old to ...

              Righteous Waters   
 
My accommodations aboard the boat weren’t as extravagant as I wished they could be, but I refused to live above my means and get buried beneath a mountain of debt.  Unlike a lot of people I know, I always felt it was best to save for a rainy day, and it was that kind of thinking that afforded me the freedom of being able to dip into my savings account and pay cash for a last minute getaway.
 A red flag went up for me a few weeks before the incident at Lilly’s and it had me concerned.  Maddox’s erratic behavior and constant mood swings had become somewhat unbearable and I couldn’t put my finger on what was causing them.  The titillating spark that I used to see whenever I looked into his eyes had been replaced with a troubling ...

MOTIVES CH.9

Crystal
When I retrieved my notebook out of the car, I went back into the house to find Tamara and Renee sitting in the kitchen talking. I went into my room to put my book up and then I went into the kitchen with the girls.
“Hey what are yall talking about?” I asked.
“I was trying to convince Renee to go shopping with me, but she refuses.” Tamara said.
“Renee, why you being so anti-social?” I questioned Renee.
“I’m not being anti-social, I’m tired and I don’t feel like going anywhere right now. Plus I don’t have any money.” Renee said.
“Girl you know I got you covered. I owe you anyway for saving my ass on that government test.” Tamara told Renee.
“No I wouldn’t feel right spending up your money. You two go ahead and go shopping and when yall get back I’ll ...